Casually scrolling through the morning headlines usually leaves me relatively unfazed, as though I’m immune to the absurdities thrown up in the daily news cycle. Yet, a recent piece about the launch of a ‘Tampon for Men’ by some morons at a Finnish company called Vuokkoset had me double-checking for The Onion’s signature touch. As it happens, what I read was sadly not satirical. In their relentless pursuit of inclusive nirvana, these idiots have nosedived into sheer lunacy.
Now, I’m not one to rain on the parade of progress or stomp on advancements that actually make life better. But when I see the traditional lines of biological sex become blurrier than a photo of Bigfoot, I can’t help but think someone’s handed society’s Etch-A-Sketch to a toddler on a sugar rush.
Apparently, the ‘Tampon for Men’ is a product designed to be the messiah for transgender men and those who identify as non-binary. Call me a relic, but isn’t a tampon sort of, you know, rooted in the whole womanhood-and-biology thing? I know the answer is ‘yes’, and it isn’t lost on me that Vuokkoset is without doubt on a mission here to turn the tampon into a political manifesto, rather than designing a practical fix.
The very essence of this initiative is an attack on established norms. With a navy blue box proudly emblazoned with the words ‘for men’, Vuokkoset’s attempt at inclusivity dives headfirst into the pool of farce. The box pulls off a nifty little trick, mind, turning ‘men’ into ‘menstruation’ as you turn it. It’s like, who needs straightforward communication when you can twist words to fit an agenda that’s stretching pragmatism like Alison Hammond does a pair of skinny jeans?
The box’s accompanying slogan — ‘For men who have periods too’ — only serves to throw petrol on the bonfire. For anyone who needs a reminder of the biological basics — menstruation is a function associated with the female, yes, just female, reproductive system. And so it’s fairly clear that Vuokkoset’s efforts to broaden the menstruation experience is less about addressing a practical need and more about reshaping what any sane person recognises as good old-fashioned fact.
What’s truly perplexing about this is the conscious effort to distance the product from traditional feminised imagery. Why is there all of a sudden something inherently wrong in acknowledging the differences between men and women? The push to redefine products catering to distinctly female experiences is a blatant disregard for the very natural biological division that’s existed since Adam was a lad.
Sanna Karhu, the CEO of Delipap Oy, the mega-woke puppet master behind Vuokkoset’s ‘man tampons’, claims that today’s menstrual products are overly feminine, fanning the flames of discrimination against transgender men. Oh, absolutely. I mean, my favourite Fruitella variant happens to be the strawberry-flavoured ones packaged in baby pink. And let me tell you, the emasculation and embarrassment I endure at the supermarket checkout holding that pink, girly cuboid in my nasty male hands, well, I wouldn’t wish it upon my worst enemy…
On a serious note, though, this whole gender thing continues to reach ridiculous new heights, and it’s vital we recognise that not every product needs a gender-neutral makeover. Menstrual products, from pads to tampons, have long served a specific purpose for a very specific demographic. And while I’ve empathy for those who find themselves in a state of transgender delusion, those on the brink of such a state are not helped by these near-constant narratives shrouded in falsehood.
The statistics cited by Vuokkoset claim that a significant number of ‘gender-diverse’ individuals assigned female at birth report dysphoria associated with menstruation. However, the leap from acknowledging this to launching a ‘Tampon for Men’ is a drastic, unnecessary and grossly unhelpful measure.
The reality is that gender dysphoria is a complex issue, but perhaps we should address it by investing more in support systems and mental health resources rather than attempting to redefine what are, and always should be, gender-specific products.
What’s more, the decision to donate the proceeds from the product to Trasek ry, an organisation focusing solely on gender diversification and sexual health, only underlines the glaring ideological motivations behind this initiative. It’s more about pushing a pro-trans ideology than it is about tackling the needs of those experiencing dysphoria.
This ‘Tampon for Men’ is nothing more than an example of how the quest for inclusivity leads us down a path of absurdity time and time again. Not every aspect of our lives needs to be subjected to the whims of this so-called ‘progression’. With each passing day, more and more companies regress in the eyes of the majority, losing sight of the practical and sensible in their pursuit of an inclusivity that risks erasing the very identities they claim to champion — on this occasion, actual women.
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